Zuma and The Telephone

I have an aunt who says Vebruary instead of February. She also says Vavour instead of favour and she can easily call Fiona, my cousin, Viona. Yes, that is her child. She mispronounces her own child's name. Don't you just love parenthood? Away from that, so, you know I am huge on sharing you with anyone and everyone right? Literally pimping you out. Reducing you to a one of those people in school who demanded your soul in exchange for two pieces of meat on Wednesday. They were, are and will forever remain scum! Today, I decided to switch it up and instead of doing another post a fortnight after the last one, I got an individual as bitter as I am about not having a Valentine's Day date to share with us the true meaning of Valentine's Day. Here goes:

By Emma Kwamboka.
It is February! The month of love. The month where we are blessed with couples’ snapchat, Instagram, and now WhatsApp stories. Are we really? I know, I know, we should jubilate when others are happy. Anyway, so valentine day is here again, and I have nothing special to showcase at the end of it. Honestly, in my truly not bitter opinion, we should really stop celebrating this day. Again, I know this is a touchy subject so you’ll end up not liking me at the end. It is important to know that I’m not against the day, but the way peeps are celebrating it.
My day started out normally. It was also Ash Wednesday so I was supposed to spend the morning in church. Let’s just say my insomnia decided it was the right time to disappear, so I slept in. what is disappointing about this day is that is not a Kenyan public holiday. Luckily, I finished my exams on the 13th so there was no school. As usual, logged onto YouTube to discover new music. Tried to follow some dance routines but failed terribly. You guys should join Zumba classes, from what I watched, they look refreshing. Every Valentine’s I make sure that I have called to tell my parents how much they mean to me. I stay with my sister who same as me, had no date and was spending the day at school. I hope next year will be a different story.
People like Eric Omondi are really setting high standards. In an afternoon full of moshenee with my girl Navy, we started asking ourselves what those girlfriends do to warrant a car as a gift. From putting her on billboards, no a car. He’s really doing a loot. I am an old fashioned girl. I hear love, I think gifts. I don’t receive flowers because apparently I’m allergic to roses. Gotta find a scent that agrees with my sense of smell. Chocolate and Ice cream are very welcome.  Allan owes me a dozen cupcakes. I spent last valentine cooking and listening to music, my two loves. Is it a coincidence that I’m always single on valentines? I guess we’ll know next year. I remember when I was in primary, we used to give our teachers roses and wish them a good one. It had three streams; roses, daisies, and lilies.so each stream will give the teacher their class flower. Oh! The good old days! Nowadays I think people have very high expectations of their partners and end up not celebrating their love. Lavish gifts, couples trying to outdo each other is the order of the day. As far as I know, none of my friends celebrated as we are a single bunch. Lucky that I got my sis and Navy to gossip the entire afternoon away. Plus spent the whole night watching Riverdale season 2. No expenses, no regrets the next morning.
You all should know that 14th Feb is a day on which different things happened in history. On this day in history in the year 1400, poor King Richard the second of England died of starvation. The poor guy! At least he died in a castle. Did you know that YouTube was launched on this day? And that Alexander Graham Bell applied for his patent rights on the telephone? I though you should know, before you send that “please call me”. Back in Africa, this year’s valentine we saw the man of many wives, Jacob Zuma of Sata Africa resign. On a sad note, Morgan Tsangirai passed on. In Tanzania, and this was a day I was highly waiting for; Zari dumped Diamond Platinumz! That’s what you get. You cheating scum of the earth! Imagine getting dumped on the day of love. (It will be really a shame if you haven’t read this enlightening facts in Linda Nyangweso’ voice.)
In the end, all that matters is that you have spent the day showing love and kindness to friends and strangers alike. Every year, the singles will always feel single. Those in relationships should celebrate it but avoid overthinking the situation. If you are looking for a simple day, home cooked meals, watching movies hit me up. Maybe being lost in love with me could be what you need. It might be a pretty thing.

I don't have a recipe to post here today. Because I am trash. You will still be here next week as we continue this mini-series and you will sink your teeth into this juicy morsel of a blog. 
Kwaheri! Or as the slayqueen in my head says it, TURUS!