So, if you are a Nairobi-person, you have the idea of the supremacy of MATATUS aka MATHREE or whatever else you like to baptise these beasts of burden and entertainment and convenience. We shall discuss these in depth or shallow depth or waist high depth or any sort of depth you find suitable;
BEASTS OF BURDEN
These are the public service vehicles that are O-L-D, OLD. They have rickety torn seats, dusty surfaces, a non-functioning radio head and for the very few that do work, the radio seems top have a distinct life of it's own (I really don't know if distinct is the right term here but hey!) The radio suddenly will shout in a very strange language or when the worst song ever is playing.These vehicles have a terrible problem of producing harmful gas and I promise you these vehicles have a provision for anyone seeking to watch the road go by under him/her, the floor of the machine is dotted with holes. I think this is an attempt to follow the current trend which has everyone wearing torn clothes in the sacred name of fashion. (Yes,that was shade I just threw, *sips lemonade*) I think the worst part is that,they seem to be the vehicles that are readily available all the time no matter the time of day or night. Seriously though, how is it that these vehicles are declared road-worthy?
ENTERTAINMENT
These vehicles are all the rage in this beautiful city in the sun,their exaggerated exhausts that are really loud, their blasting car horns, their amazing paint work and graphics, their executive interiors and mother of all matatu awesomeness, their heavy entertainment systems. (Sigh, true love right here) I mean, where do I begin, they have everything you need in a public service vehicle. Sure, the music is sometimes a bit too loud, I am not complaining though, but ,man oh man, these pieces of art are the real deal. I always get that 'stunting on 'em feeling' whenever I am in such a car. The downside is of course their tendency to flout the rules here and there. Some even have aquariums in them. Of course, they have the illest wheels forever!!!!!!!!!! The number of T.V screens in these pieces is also a point of dialogue, the highest number I have seen on a matatu as of the writing of this post is ten. Yes, ten screens in one matatu. They even have one or two facing the outside, just because they can!
CONVENIENCE
Let's all agree that matatus are the most convenient when it comes to moving around in this city. They rarely ever get caught up in traffic, they know all the short cuts around and basically, have a very good knowledge of the city routes. All of them, beasts of burden and entertainment lounges alike, are a very convenient way of moving around. That leads me to the next part of my story. I use matatus a lot, and as such, I have seen quite a bit of drama. How about we start with the man who forgot his wallet at home and therefore didn't have the money for fare? The frantic look on his face is really disturbing especially if he is seated right next to you and you are expected to be the good neighbor and pay for him, but you are vain and you intend to go buy yourself a nice hot plate of something later in the day just to celebrate life (read me myself and I). At that point in time you realize just how tough it is to keep yourself occupied, since you wouldn't dare play with your hands because the slightest movement might prompt the man in distress to think that you are going to pull a Robin Hood and pay the fare for him. In this context you are Robin Hood in that, you steal from your rich pocket and give to the needy.
What about that awkward moment when you just can't help but eve's drop on someone's conversation over the phone? There the person is, frantically trying to use the so called "inner-voice" and at the same time be audible enough to instruct the other person on the line to go to school or else... Most of the time, it's mothers who have to get up and leave the house early to make a living and pay junior's school fees. (REALLY BIG SHOUTOUT GOING OUT TO THEM) Junior on the other hand gets up a little later that morning and gives the help a really hard time and doesn't want to go to school. So, what does the help do? Alas, she calls junior's mom -whose phone rings in the huge designer bag next to me- and puts her on speaker. The manner in which Mama Junior orders her baby boy to school is enough to get Junior up and super ready for ABC and algebra. The sudden change of tone from 'Sweet Pea' to 'Blood-chilling Discipline Mistress' is an art only mothers shall ever master. The grace of the tonal variation from angelic ,to OH GOD NO!, and back to angelic again is truly deserving of an award. I can't help but smile at the thought of the triumph the help on the other end must be feeling after this latest victory over junior's temperamental outbursts. Also I smile at the thought of how hard Mama Junior works to make sure her Minnie-me is comfortable and has the best she can offer.
The ride can get a bit dull especially if it's routine and today, I have a little something that's bound to get you all excited again especially in this cold Nairobi weather. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, THE HOT-LEMON-COCOA.I know, I know, this is so cliché but read through and you will see a difference.
Ingredients:
1/2 lemon
1 teaspoon of cocoa powder
1 tablespoon of honey
1cup of hot water
Have yourself an amazing amazing time, don't forget to share,
Remember, my other car is a matatu
Au revoir
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