Rosemary: The voice behind my seat

Traffic, rain drops, heavy jackets and wet umbrellas. This is partly lyrics from a Migos song and partly my own mastery of the English language. Other features included; loud blaring music (the kind musicians advise parental guidance because of the content.)
Scenario: *music playing on the stereo* *mother seated next to child as she guides child on how to listen to the music* ‘first off f*** your crew and the clique you claim’ *mother pauses the track, flips through the notes she had prepared for this musical session, looks at child in the eye and advises, ”When the F bomb comes on, I want you to put your fingers in your ears and make a BLEEP sound. Let’s practise.”* *mother rewinds the song and when it gets to the F bomb, they both put their fingers in their ears and make a BLEEP sound* *mother looks at child with so much pride knowing she has given her parental advice on how to enjoy music.*
I sat next to the window, which is obviously my absolute favourite seat in a matatu. I love being the man with the power to the window, the supply of oxygen, the source of cool air in a hot matatu on a hot Nairobi day. To be honest with you, I do get drunk with that power. Once, during one of my numerous night-trips around the city, I had the window open. I mean really open. I mean O-P-E-N. I honestly cannot elaborate any further than that, if you can’t picture a really open window, then I am sorry for your existence and those who you exist around, I really am, sincerely, honestly, truly. So, I had the window open and we were on the highway doing crazy speeds of I don’t know how much because, I am not a speedometer and will not be reduced to one for your sick pleasure. I had the wind in my afro, the smells of pollution and evening traffic in my nostrils, loud music with cringe-worthy lyrics I my ears and I was chewing gum that had been in my mouth since 9 am. The perfect picture after spending a long hectic day dealing with humanity. There I was, existing in this space where there is only me, the matatu and the highway; no driver, no other passenger seated next to me eating chips masala, just peace. Then, came the rude interruption.
Pat on my shoulder, I tilt my head and try to catch a glimpse of the finger-owner whose finger had touched MY shoulder, personal space isn’t really personal to some people it seems. I obviuolsy don’t see the individual, but I do make out a soft feminine voice imploring me to shut the window.
“Unaeza funga window please, aki iyo wind inaleta dust.”
At that moment all I knew was that I was talking to a voice coming from behind my seat. I did not want, still do not want, to assume I was talking to either a young lady or a soft-voiced man, therefore I just took it as a voice. I had to weigh between two things. 1. Being a good human being and closing the window for the sake of this voice and all the other voices seated somewhere behind my seat, soft voices, booming voices, interesting voices, boring voices, voices that sound like they come from a bearded throat, all these voices, I had to bear them in mind when I make my next move. 2. Sacrificing my music-video moment, my freedom to exercise power over the window, my comfort in the thought of existing in this space where no one else exists, for the sake of the voices seated behind my seat.
What I did next may shock you, I think you need to sit down for this one. Are you ready? I actually said to the voice,
“Naskia kutapika, siwezi funga hii window, ama uko na paper bag karibu, nitapikie?”
If you don’t understand that, let me translate it of you dearly beloved, because, if I don’t, then who will? I mean, we only have each other right? I told the voice that I felt car sick and as such, I could not shut the window. I went further to ask the voice if it had a paper bag near, so that, in the VERY likely event I needed to throw up and the window was closed, I would have a place to get busy in. Trust me when I say, the voice had a whole bag dedicated to paper bags only. I was given not one, not two, but several paper bags to soil just so that I could shut the dust-bringing window. (I know you expected me to say not one, not two, but three paper bags. That goes to show how heartless I am, how ruthless I can get when it comes to crushing dreams, just like I crushed yours. I feel like I need to write a song just describing my ruthlessness.) Anyway, as you would guess, I took the paper bags, said ‘Thank you’ and closed the window. So much for me trying to assert my position as the window-controller right?
SIDEBAR: I am not susceptible to car sickness, I just had to tell the lie so that I could hold on to my power a bit longer. Also, when the voice gave me the paper bags, I was really convinced that I was dealing with a young lady with a lot of hair to protect from the rain, but then I realized, men have hair too and as such, it shall remain ‘The Voice’. No physical description, just a voice.
As is the norm with all my posts, there is never a moral to the story and the endings leave you more confused than when you started reading. I started by talking about Migos and wet umbrellas then I went to random stories about window seats, sigh. I am hopeless. Let’s take this train wreck to a more organized place, FOODTOPIA! It’s a wordplay on Utopia and Zootopia, so, I made Foodtopia. I really think I am going to be okay in this creativity business.

Rosemary Potatoes in Coconut-Cream stew and Fruit-Honey Salsa
The other day, a friend of mine asked me, get this, if I know how to make rosemary potatoes. I am a self-titled food blogger/home cook, how can I not know how to work with rosemary and potatoes? So, being as extra as I am, I decided to do something that the internet will love, the internet being you, dearly beloved. I even went ahead to include coconut cream and words like salsa. At this rate, if I am not given a cooking show on T.V, I just might…
I love using rosemary herb on my Tilapia, it is a really strong herb on the taste as well as on the smell. Did you know you can also use rosemary in your tea? Recipe time:

Ingredients
5 washed potatoes (do not peel off the skin; we will make them WITH the skin)
1 stalk of rosemary herb or if that is not at your disposal, 2 tablespoons of rosemary spice will do just fine
Juice from 1 full lemon
2 tomatoes
3 onions
1 clove of garlic (kitunguu saumu)
1 ½ tablespoons of coconut cream
1 Tablespoon of Paprika
Salt to taste

Method,
Make sure your potatoes are well washed. While washing, be careful not to peel off the skin. Leave them to dry and place oil in a sufuria. You will need a substantial amount for this since you will be deep frying the potatoes first, similar to how you do with chips (French fries). Once the oil is hot enough, (You can measure the heat by throwing in a piece of potato, if it starts frying, it’s all systems go) put in the potatoes one by one, careful not to make the oil spatter.
Give them close to 15-20 minutes to cook. Put a knife through one of them to check if they are ready. If it goes through easily, it is ready. Take them out and leave them to cool. Once cool enough, chop up the rosemary leaves and put them in a bowl (same applies if you are using rosemary spice). Put in the potatoes and rub the rosemary all on them for that infusion of flavor. Once all of them have been properly rubbed, add the lemon juice and mix them up. Lemon juice has a zingy taste that is great for flavor bursts. Cover and let it sit for 30-40 minutes.
Chop up the onions and put them in a pan, shallow fry them until they are just about browning then add in the chopped tomatoes. Fry these to a pulp, then add the coconut cream. One thing that coconut cream does, is to give the dish a porridge-like consistency, for that matter, I added pre-cooked rice and peas to give more definition. Mix these up and add a little bit of water then cover for about 5 minutes. Let them simmer. Add the paprika and mix well to get that red colour. Throw in the potatoes at this point and mix them together on low heat. Cover for 3-4 minutes before mixing again. When the potatoes have taken on a reddish-hue, they are done.

For the salsa
Cut up 1 tomato. ½ (half) a mango, 1 onion and 1 cucumber. Mix these all up and add chili spice and salt to taste. To top it all off, drizzle on a little bit of honey.
There you have it, a meal fit for a window controller!
Bon appetit

Thank you so much for reading through, take a look at my previous posts if you please, keep sharing and I will be here next time with more food and more failed attempts at taking over the world.
Asante Sana and Kwaheri.