That COVFEFE effect

Long post ahead, be warned.
Dearly Beloved, long time no see!
You know that awkward moment where, you meet someone you haven’t seen in ages and now you don’t know what to do with your hands? I mean, are you supposed to pocket them, fold them in front of your chest, pick your nose, place them on your lap (while standing) or hold your waist and start complaining of an aching back? At this point I think it is best I emphasize that in another life, I was a 53 year old woman with arthritis and varicose veins. So anyway, you and I are at that point and to salvage the situation, I will over compensate with endless chatter, dry jokes and good ol’ awkward word-usage.
So how have things been on this side of the internet? Let me fill you in on what was going in my existence. So around May, I decided I was going to take a month-long sabbatical; read recipe books, watch random ‘Animals Doing Things’ videos on YouTube, answer your emails, listen to disturbing podcasts, add weight, follow people on Instagram, listen to songs with X-rated lyrics on loudspeaker with my mother, send people memes they’ve already seen and forcing them to laugh (i.e. send me back the hysterically laughing emoji), basically living life to the fullest. Well, one thing lead to another and before I knew it, I had extended my leave by two weeks. As if that were not enough, I had exams staring me down dead in the eye and I knew at that point, the true meaning of the saying, the cockerel that crowed in the morning is silent in the pot. (I’m not sure if that’s the proper phrasing, but let’s pretend it is).
 Sidebar: notice I have used ‘cockerel’; that is a very conscious decision I have made.
You probably think I am a thoroughly lazy human at this point going by the list of activities I have just mentioned. Let me enforce that judgment you have of me by introducing today’s topic; Ds. The other day, while I was going through the internet enjoying myself and having a dandy time, I stumbled upon a discovery. There is a difference between how capital ‘D’ is written and how small ‘d’ is written (I swear there are no inappropriate jokes in this post, cross my heart). Was it a typo that was never erased? A typo that remained in the books of history to be looked at forever and forever to the creation of the internet and the invention of selfie-sticks? Spanning dynasties and powerful families, from Cleopatra to the rise of the Kardashians? From days when there were only live performances by musicians accompanied by harps to the birth of Beyoncé and the steady take over by artistes with the prefix ‘Lil’ to their names, Lil Wayne, Lil Boosie, Lil Uzi. Closer home, from the era of slave traders and chiefdoms, before the coming of the white man and his God, before that white man who ‘discovered’ Mount Kilimanjaro and Mount Kenya. Actually, before there even was a Kenya or a Nigeria or a Lesotho. Before there were African children with two English names, James Stephens, Mercy Davidson. That typo has outlived all these things and will probably outlive all of us. The human being responsible for this thousand-year-old typo probably turned into oil, was excavated, turned into petroleum and is chilling out there within the space formerly occupied by ozone layer, after doing his thing in a Peugeot 504.
The possibilities are truly endless. Why though, did the typo never get erased?
“I thought you said Vera was your calligraphy assistant Cal,”
“She is, she truly is I can never-“
“Oh save it, Cal, we all know what’s going on here, it’s been going on long enough and right under my nose, Cal, how could you?
“Believe me babe, I am being honest, nothing happened between me and Vera, honest.”
Sipping a glass of Ambrosia, “why didn’t you accompany me to Hannah’s feast?”
“We already went through this, I had to finish up on the piece I was working on. It had two parts; the capital format and the smaller format, it was honestly a lot of work. I couldn’t just let Vera finish on her own it-‘
Sarcastic laughter
“I thought I heard you say you couldn’t let Vera finish on her own. Not after making me walk to Hannah’s all by myself, without any one to play the harp for me as we walked. No, I know you couldn’t possibly be that dumb. So, I am sorry, what were you saying?"
“Listen, it seems to me you are worked up, I will leave you to collect yourself, and please go easy on the Ambrosia,”
Turns to go
Quietly, “why do the ‘D’s face each other Cal?”
“What?”
“I said, why do the ‘D’s face each other? Why aren’t they like the ‘A’s or the ‘B’s or the ‘C’s or even the ‘E’ and ‘F’? Huh, Cal, why? You refused to come with me to Hannah’s just so you can make errors didn’t you? Answer me Cal!”
Breathing hard, “I-I-I can explain, it’s not, it’s not what you think,”
“Really Cal, after all those years of marriage and you still give me that? Oh, so what, I’m dumb now? My thoughts are all wrong? What Cal?”
“Vera makes better cake than you, Sapphira. There, I said it. She made cake, and we had it by the ocean. You were all over me about Hannah’s feast yet I had this backlog of work staring at me and I couldn’t just leave. I felt so bad about letting you walk out, I couldn’t focus. That’s when Vera came in, she had cake in her hand, she thought I had left with you a-a-and seeing the state I was in, she decided to help me calm my nerves. We went out to the ocean and had cake. We just had cake by the ocean honestly. When I realized time was far much spent, I rushed back here to get finished with my work and in the commotion I got all confused and I made that error. I am being very honest.”
“Was the ‘G’ also an error?”
“Why have you been going through my work? Don’t you trust me anymore?”
“Why do the ‘G’s face each other? Why is the sheet all wrinkled, it looks like there was a scuffle on it.”
“I was eating Vera’s doughnuts.”
“Okay Cal, I am going to Troy’s place, I just realized I left my sandals there.”
“Why did you untie the strings to your sandals at Troy’s?”
“Don’t wait up Cal, it might take me long to find them he has a big house.”
Sapphira never came back and Cal fell into depression. Vera took up the job and went up to a total of 27 letters. She never stopped serving cake. One day, she had just finished on letter ‘Z’ before she dozed off and fell into deep slumber, call it Zzzzzz! (Minaj voice).
‘Covfefe’ happened as a result of this:

I tend to get a lot of left-overs laying around the kitchen and today is another one of those, ‘what to do with left-overs’ posts. Left over rice, chips and chicken, and finally beans. Do not ask why I have rice and beans together with chicken and chips, I was hungry okay? Stop judging.  Rice and chips with mango sauce and a Chicken and beans salad with avocado.

Rice
All you need here is tomato paste and vegetable oil. Heat a little bit of the oil in a non-stick pan and add one tablespoon to the oil. You can measure the paste according to the amount of rice you have to fry. Add in your rice, stir continuously to avoid burning the rice. Once it gets all nice and red, it’s done.

Chips
1 tablespoon coconut milk
Juice from 1 lemon
Chilli powder (optional)
Salt to taste
Mix the coconut milk and lemon juice. In a shallow, buttered baking pan, lay out the cold fries and on top sprinkle salt and chili powder, and pour on top, the coconut milk and lemon mixture. Place in an oven for 20 minutes at 180 degrees Celsius.
Once done, plate them together with the rice and drizzle a little mango sauce.

Mango sauce
Half mango chopped
Salt, chili powder and vinegar
Cut the mango into small pieces and add the vinegar, salt and chili powder. Bring this to boil using a small amount of water. Once done, let it cool a little.

Chicken and beans salad
1 chicken thigh cooked
1 bulb onion
1 tomato
Salad dressing, salt and vinegar
Half an avocado.
1 bell pepper (hoho)
1 hard-boiled egg
Chop up the vegetables and slice the chicken thigh. Throw all these together and mix in the salad dressing, salt and vinegar.

Beans
Fry one tomato and one onion and add the beans. Stir them around and season adequately. Make sure it is thick and consistent. Once done, put it in a bowl with the chicken and vegetable salad. Throw on the sliced avocado and cut up hard-boiled egg. On top, drizzle a little bit of honey and BAM!

 Thank you for reading through
Hope to see you around soon,
Asante sana and Kwaheri.