crEATive

Dearly Beloved, How has January been treating you the past couple of weeks? Oh, you want to know about my January? Well, let me give you the run down then. I am learning karate now for the purposes of having myself covered on these Nairobi streets. Exams are in the next few days so we all know that is a mess. The heat came back. Nairobi Restaurant Week is officially ON! My cats are having the time of their feline lives. The latter is what today’s rambling is all about. It is cat mating season where I live and boy! Quiet Sunday evening. I am seated with a cup of hot lemon tea because, well, middle class and all. It’s all quiet and peaceful as I scroll through Instagram in true millennial fashion; pinkie finger under the phone, using my thumb to scroll. The peace and tranquility that only loans can accord you. Car loans, mortgages you name it, loans that we work our entire lives trying to repay. In the distance, which really isn’t much of a distance, I hear strange noises. Almos...

2018 Recently on social media I have been spotting individuals do that; Page 1 (2, 3,4,5,6,7,8,9 you get the idea) of 365 business. Just how long are we going to sustain it though? Oh well, don’t mind me, carry on, as you were. Dearly Beloved, another year dragged itself into our lives, huh? Last year I was here with Natalie discussing the whole financial literacy agenda (see post here: http://creative254.blogspot.co.ke/2017/01/remember-how-i-told-you-i-know-just.html ). Spend wisely, within your means, journalise your spending, don’t take debts you can’t stomach, all that good stuff. This year, all I can say, be financial literate fam. I genuinely am tired of that new year new me thing and to be honest this first post of 2018, will NOT be marred by that bull-dropping. I will however discuss babies, yes babies. There I am, in church getting my blessings and all, when this mini-human and his parent walk up to the row of seats I was seated on. Well, technically, the baby wa...

Mondays are the worst... Christmas Monday, she's a beauty. Dearly Beloved, December came, December is here, I am December's obese child. Actually, more like, if December and April had a love child, I would be it. So I present to you words hoping you will still like me after not being on this side of town for a minute. Praying that you will like me more when I tell you, I shall leave this here seeing as Aunty Wairimu has just arrived from Nyeri with her entire FLEET! Yes, a fleet of children. Or maybe Netflix is lit and I am just a lazy hog with man tits to my knees and a bag of crisps on my layers of stomach. Either way, I like y'all, please still like me back. Oh and Happy Happy Christmas Fam. Get LIT! #BeingAsMillenialAsPossible #ILoveUsingHashtags #YouHaveProbablyAlreadyNoticedItOnMyInstagram. Banana Bread Recipe Ingredients 2 very ripe bananas 2 cups all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon Baking Powder 1 cup white sugar 1 large egg beaten 3/4 cup margarine Vanil...

What does a normal individual do on a Saturday morning? Well, hold a solid conversation with his cat of course. Here’s one I had with Patricia the other day. Patricia: (walking at brisk pace) Hello human. Self: Cat. Patricia: (jumps on couch and makes herself comfortable, ready to stew in her own heat) Fine Day isn’t it guv’nah? Self: What person says guv’nah at 10:47 am Saturday morning? Patricia: In case, you haven’t noticed bruh, I am a CAT, Feline, relative of Lions and Cheetahs and all those other barbaric relatives of mine. Self: Well, two shouts for Miss Family Spirit! Patricia: You need to work on your sarcasm bro, I mean, Simba (the neighbours’ dog) has better stuff, than the pathetic lines you try passing off. Self: Did you honestly rouse your fur, walk into the house and share a couch with me just to lower my self-esteem? Patricia: Oh my God, you and moaning! Boo-Hoo, no one cares, hey did I tell you of that time I did a thing on the couch? Self: You mean using ...

Two things DB, good news and bad news. (DB- Dearly Beloved. Status of our relationship, I can fart in your presence.) So, farts and all, the good news is, I have discovered Facebook filters. Like the Snapchat ones. Bad news, since I am subject to the societal dictation of masculinity, I shan’t share images of myself in the said filters with you. They are for my eyes only, well, mine and the swarm of people seated behind me in a 14 seater matatu, but yeah, you get the drill. These filters dearly beloved have become my favourite pastime. You know how normal people do video games, baking, fornication, Bible Study etc., well mine just happens to be taking self-portraits and enhancing them using these digital era things. Narcissism at its best. I am the embodiment of self-absorption at this point in my existence. Here’s my deal with Facebook. For a long period of time, Facebook has for me been a secret love affair. A clandestine engagement. Done in the bushes, under the cover of darknes...

COMING OF AGE By Jenny Kihara: So when Allan asked me to write about how it feels to turn 21 and officially become an adult, I thought, OMG! I am ancient!! Where has the time gone?! But slowly, that changed. Zora Neale Hurston once wrote about a river that was deep in conversation with a nearby brook. The river was telling the brook about a love story that he had witnessed as he passed through the village. Mr River here, (not his real name) told the story, which had happened over a long time. What caught my attention was how the river kept referring to years as man’s way of defining time. The river found it very absurd. Almost funny. How man can call a particular period 40 years. Or 2 minutes, like that. And now, I find myself in agreement with the river. Time cannot be limited, or put into slots. Time is just time. Perpetual sunrises and sunsets. And aging is simply the passage of time. For me, coming of age feels like coming back to who I was, before teenage-hood took over. Ou...

Let me set the mood for today's story, a tiny matatu, probably, 11 seater. Plot twist, we are almost 700 in this space, no joke, literally 700 (we are tiny people so we are packed like tins of jam) okay, seriously, we are around 17 of us including the driver. Do I make up part of this excess? OF COURSE! I wouldn't be left behind while others had the time of their lives rubbing bodies and stuff. So, I am the excess on the very back row of seats. In my face, is a sweaty head. This is my substitute for Oxygen ladies and gentlemen. Body excretion is what I am filling my lungs with. Not like my lungs are in tip top shape though. Far from it, I've been blowing chalk dust rings since I was 7, I am the original ' Bad boy kutoka standard 2 ' #NyashinskiReference Sidebar: can I just say how much I loved that song, kwanza the hook, " Usimpe roho yako waza kwanza wapi tofauti yake nao? Sina noma naye wououo!!!!! " Many are the matatu rides when I would fantasize b...