crEATive

86. The number of days left till Christmas. That period we all get excuses to overdo: overeating, overspending, oversharing (Social Media eeeh!), overdressing and my favourite part, there is all the New Year New Me just around the corner. ‘New Year New Me’, I aspire to be that guy who brews for a living. We’ll make 750 ml of a kaStrong one we will call, New Year New Me . We will run ad-campaigns on the Twitters and IGs of this world (who still uses FB anyway?) and we will uses these individuals with smartphones and Wi-Fi, commonly referred to as ‘ Influencers ’, to push our brand with the hashtag # NYNM . The video we shoot for the campaign will be voiced by a heavily accented baritone, because what could be more suave than a heavily accented baritone right? The baritone will say several things in a creepy low voice, the one the Sapiens of these modern era refer to as ‘ bedroom voice’ . Now, you may ask, why on earth would I buy a beverage whose advert features a bedroom voiced bar...

I love rainy weather. The gloomy air, the heavy grey clouds, the water. The smell of the earth changing after the rain. In the background, there’s Jay-Z a.k.a Baba Ivy (that’s as far as I will go with that), behind a mic, accompanied by a sultry voiced mama harmonizing his rap. He is singing something about apologizing for the miscarriages he caused because he wasn’t present. That’s deep, ama it’s just a metaphor, either way… in comes Minaj and Mama Ivy talking about women empowerment and ‘feeling themselves’. That’s music on shuffle for you, no mood flow whatsoever. Back to the feeling myself thing, if I were the one using that line, tsk tsk tsk. Imagine it, there I am, in the shower surrounded by all the foam from my bathing soap and then, I break into that line, “I’m feeling myself, I’m feeling myself.” No that just won’t work, at least not in the house I live in. Yes, I do have Nicki and Beyoncé in my music player, gotta problem? I thought so! So it is in this setting that I c...